I am a seventh grader and I’m writing to you because I have been having an issue with my friends lately and I don’t really know what to do about it. So I have four friends who are girls that I hang out with in school and lately they have been wanting to hang out with a few of the boys. I don’t mind hanging out with the boys and we joke around with them a lot, but now my four friends are getting involved in a lot of drama with them. My friends keep wanting me to get involved with all the conversations about who likes who and keep talking about how they think one of the boys likes me. I don’t like him like that and I really don’t want to get involved in the drama at all. I just want my friends back. They are always so distracted. How can I tell them I don’t want to be involved in their drama when it’s all they talk about anymore? How do I not lose my friends?
Drama is really difficult to get away from! You should be proud of yourself for not wanting to be involved in all the drama. It sounds like your friends are really interested in boys right now, and it is okay that you’re not. If you feel comfortable, I would say invite your friends over to your house and talk to them about how you feel. It is better to get it out in the open than to hide it! It might be scary to talk to them about it, but they should understand. And this way, everyone can talk to each other about how they are feeling. Just remember to always be honest and yourself!
Maybe you could join an after school club or sport. You could ask your friends to join with you, that way you can spend more time together doing something different, or you can even meet new friends! It doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends with the girls, but making new friends is always so much fun!
I am in sixth grade and I am having a tough time with BOYS. There is this one boy in my gym class who is cute and I think I might have a crush on him. But I’ve never had a boyfriend before so I’m not sure what I'm supposed to do. Sometimes I pretend to stay after class but I’m really just waiting for him. I’ve also been wearing make-up and fixing my hair so he would like it. I always get really nervous around him! He always sits with me at lunch and picks me for his teams in gym, but he doesn’t walk with me to class and he never texts me. Do you think he likes me too? I really want to be his girlfriend. I can’t talk to my friends about it because I don’t want them to know! What should I do?
Liking a boy is so exciting, yet can be very stressful, so I completely understand where you are coming from. The best advice I can give you is to work on being really good friends with this boy first. Take some time to get to know more about him; see if he gets along with your friends and if you two like some of the same things. It’s really great that he sits with you at lunch, and he very well could like you, I would just advise not to rush. Being someone’s girlfriend can bring a lot of changes into your life, so I would take your time to learn a lot about him and about your feelings to make sure you are comfortable if you decide to tell him you like him or if he tells you he likes you. Also, if he rather just be friends, remember that you are still awesome! Regardless of whatever plays out, talk to someone you trust about liking this boy, whether it be one of your friends or an adult. Writing in a journal about what you’re feeling from day-to-day could help too. I hope this helps and good luck!
I am starting seventh grade this fall at a new school where I won’t know anyone and won’t have any friends. I used to love school, but now when I think about it, I just get this big knot in my stomach. I am worried that no one will talk to me, or worse, that someone will find a reason to pick on me. What if I don’t wear the right clothes, or someone thinks I talk funny? I don’t want to have to eat lunch alone in the bathroom, but I am very shy and have never had to make new friends like this before. I’m not even sure where I would start. What should I do?
I know starting anywhere new can be difficult. My suggestion for you would be to try and start talking to people as soon as possible. This could be the kid in your class, or someone who seems very friendly, or even just your locker neighbor! Starting off small can make big situations seem easier and less anxious. But also remember that making friends sometimes takes longer, but I promise that if you remain friendly, people will eventually want to get to know you. Also, Please keep in mind that everyone has been or will be the new person in some situation, whether it’s school, activities or a job everyone has to do it. So please don’t think you’re alone in this.
DEAR ABBY: I am a sixth grade student in middle school. I will be attending my first middle school dance in two weeks. I am excited, and I am also extremely nervous. I have heard many things about the dance that scare me, but I have never been to one before. I barely know what to wear. I talked to my eighth grade sister and her friends, and they are not going. They told me how awful the dances were. Apparently they are not fun, tremendously boring, and no one will want to dance with me. I am debating if I should even go, and some of my friends already said they will not be going. I question if I will even have fun. I am asking you for help. What should I do? What should I tell my sister and my friends if I end up going? Most importantly what should I wear?—SCARED SIXTH GRADER
It sounds like you are in a tough situation, decisions like this can be hard to make. I can’t tell you if you will have fun or not at the dance, but what I can say is that if you don’t go you will never know if you will have fun at dances. With some of your friends going, it sounds like it could be a great time. So the important question, what to wear. Wear something that you are comfortable in, if you like dresses, then wear a dress. If you prefer to wear jeans and a t-shirt, go for it. The reality is that what you wear (as long as it meets the dress code of your school) is not going to have as much of an impact on your fun as who you go with. If you decide to go, talk with your friends who are going to the dance and discuss what to wear together. If you all choose to attend to the dance together, and dress similar, you will have no fear that you are over or under dressed for the event.
I am at the tail-end of seventh grade and very excited to be moving on to the eighth grade. It will be really fun to be one of the older students in the school and be able to start thinking about high school with the rest of my friends. However, as we get closer to the summer, my friends have begun to talk to some of the current eighth graders and we have gotten invited to attend some parties that will be taking place this summer. My friends all seem super excited about the parties, but I can’t help but feel scared about going to them. They have all been talking about how some of the older kids have managed to get beer for the party from their older siblings and how they think there might be marijuana as well. I don’t feel comfortable going to something like that, but I’m scared that if I don’t, my friends will drop me right before our final year of middle school! Sometimes I feel like they’re trying to grow up too fast. How do I tell my friends I don’t wanna go without losing them? Please help me!
I want to begin by saying how proud I am of you for not wanting to be a part of those bad activities. I understand how hard of a desicion this must be for you because you don't want to lose your friends, but you must do what you feel right and it seems that you really do not feel comfortable going to that party.
My advice is to tell your friends up front that you do not agree with what is going to be happening at the party and that you rather not attend, but that you care about them very much and do not want to lose their friendship.
Perhaps at a different time during the summer you can invite your closes friends over to your house for a sleep over or to the mall. Something you're more comfortable doing so that your friendship does not die down over the summer and that way your friends will see that you do still care about them.
Also please talk to your parents or any adult you feel comfortable talking to about what's going to happen at this party. It does not seem safe for any of the kids attending and an adult should know in order to keep everyone safe.
Dear Abby, I am writing to you today because I need some advice with an issue I am having with my best friend Melissa.
So on Sunday it was Melissa’s 14th birthday and she and her family were going out for dinner to celebrate. Afterwards they were to come home and sing happy birthday to her along with some of her other friends and cut the cake.
That Sunday Melissa texted me to remind me about her birthday dinner but I told her I was not going to be able to go. I lied and said that it was because I was extremely tired from running errands with my mother all day, but the truth was that I did not have anything nice to wear and so I did not want to go and look a hot mess in front of her family and other friends.
Melissa then got really upset with me and said that the next day at school she was not going to sit with me at lunch or talk to me ever again because I’m suppose to be her best friend and I can’t even make it to her birthday dinner. She also said how she will always remember how rude I was and never forget how I hurt her feelings. It’s been a week now and Melissa has kept her promise about not talking to me.
So my questions is, I really miss my friend, what can I do to makeup and be besties again?
First of all, let me just say, it is never easy to deal with a friend being upset with you! First off, I should definitely start off by saying that best friends have this weird ability of finding each other again. Disagreements do, unfortunately, happen in life and there will be moments where friends will get upset with one another and that’s okay! The important thing is first knowing where your friend is coming from and working from there. So, as you said, it started off when you did not go to her birthday party and now she is mad at you for that. To put things in her perspective, it looks like her best friend did not go to her birthday party. The first thing I would do is try to get into contact with her to have a discussion. Never forget the power of the written word! Ask Melissa if she’d be willing to talk about the situation, even if you have to make the plan through text. I do think you would be better off speaking about your actual problem in person, so make sure Melissa is willing to chat in person. From there, all you have to do is tell her that you are sorry that you missed her birthday party and that you understand why she is upset with you. Sometimes, all it takes is a simple affirmation that someone else’s feelings may be valid. The great thing about friends, is that they can be incredibly understanding when you have the right ones. And due to the fact that Melissa invited you to a party with just her family and best friends, I would say that you and Melissa are amazing friends. If I were you, and I trusted Melissa the way that I think you do, I would let her know how you were feeling about your outfit choices. Honesty always is the best policy. I believe that your friendship with Melissa could be fixed with a simple talk and reaffirmation of just how strong your friendship is. Most of all, you have to believe that everything will work out.
This is for Sarah: I am writing to you in need of some advice. I am an eighth grader in the middle of my school year and have just been told by my parents that I will not be going to the same high school as all my friends. My sister had a bad experience and my parents don’t want me to go through the same problems. However, I’m not like her at all and don’t think I’ll have the same issues. She’s a quiet introverted kid and I am the polar opposite of that. My parents aren’t listening to me at all!! I’m also worried that I’ll lose all my friends and have difficulties making new ones. What should I do?
Sincerely, Aren’t I old enough to make my own decisions yet?
Dear Aren’t I Old Enough to Make My Own Decisions Yet,
I’m sorry you feel that your voice isn’t being heard. This sounds like a difficult situation, where a lot of decisions are being made. It’s understandable that you are worried about losing old friends and making new ones. Have you expressed these fears to your parents? Sometimes it’s hard to share our worries when we feel like people aren’t really listening, but it sounds like your parents care about your well-being, so I’m sure that they are.
You’ve written that a lot of this has to do with your sister’s experiences in high school, and I’m sorry that’s the case. I totally get you and your sister being opposites, I’ve experienced the same thing. However, it sounds like your parents’ motivation is coming from a place of love: a want to protect you. If your parents’ decision really can’t be changed, I hope I can ease some of your worries by saying that not being introverted and quiet would help you make plenty of friends in a new school.
Finally, when it comes to losing old friends, it’s my experience that as long as you’ve found the right kind of people, you can stay close to friends even if you don’t go to the same school. Maybe you could join an activity outside of school together, or plan one weekend a month to spend together. I’m sure your parents would be more than happy to help you organize this! You can keep up with each other’s day to day lives on Snapchat and Instagram and then you’ll have tons of stories to share when you see each other.
Why do my parents hate me? I try hard at school to get good grades, I know I’m not the smartest and I do goof off sometimes, but if I get anything less than a B I get yelled at. My Dad says that B is for bum, and I shouldn’t be getting anything less than A’s. He also makes me mow the lawn every week. This isn’t so bad itself, except that my sister has no chores to do because she is a girl, and there is a wasp nest in the backyard that keeps stinging me. The last time I mowed the lawn I got stung 5 times in my leg and came limping into the house to take a break. He yelled at me to go finish mowing while him and my sister sat there watching TV. No matter what I do it’s just not good enough, and everything is blamed on me. The other day our computer broke and my Dad tried to fix it. He sat me down next to him so he could yell at me for breaking the computer, my brother came home saw we were working on the computer and said he broke it last night. My dad ignored him and kept telling me it was my fault. What did I do wrong, why do they hate me so much?
You probably won’t answer, but I hope you do, I need help
Dear Unwanted Son, Of course I will answer your question! There is always someone to talk to that will listen, never forget that! I see how you would think that your parents hate you, specifically your father. You have not mentioned you mother at all. Have you tried talking to her? Maybe she can talk to your father about how you feel. It can be tough when you feel like you get blamed for everything, and you cannot do anything right. Your father seems to take a lot of his anger out on you. However, I think you should focus on communicating with him. Have you tried talking to him yourself? At first this idea might seem overwhelming and intimidating, but I think this would be a great start. Let him know what has been going on, and how you have felt. You might also find it helpful to spend time with him, just like your sister has. It could be as simple as finding a common TV show, or even throwing a ball around in the backyard. Try to find a common hobby to do together. Becoming comfortable, and growing a relationship can help you both understand and relate to each other. Be patient, and trust that your father just wants the best for you. --Abby
Dear Abby,
ReplyDeleteI am a seventh grader and I’m writing to you because I have been having an issue with my friends lately and I don’t really know what to do about it. So I have four friends who are girls that I hang out with in school and lately they have been wanting to hang out with a few of the boys. I don’t mind hanging out with the boys and we joke around with them a lot, but now my four friends are getting involved in a lot of drama with them. My friends keep wanting me to get involved with all the conversations about who likes who and keep talking about how they think one of the boys likes me. I don’t like him like that and I really don’t want to get involved in the drama at all. I just want my friends back. They are always so distracted. How can I tell them I don’t want to be involved in their drama when it’s all they talk about anymore? How do I not lose my friends?
Sincerely,
The No Drama Friend
Dear The No Drama Friend,
DeleteDrama is really difficult to get away from! You should be proud of yourself for not wanting to be involved in all the drama. It sounds like your friends are really interested in boys right now, and it is okay that you’re not. If you feel comfortable, I would say invite your friends over to your house and talk to them about how you feel. It is better to get it out in the open than to hide it! It might be scary to talk to them about it, but they should understand. And this way, everyone can talk to each other about how they are feeling. Just remember to always be honest and yourself!
Maybe you could join an after school club or sport. You could ask your friends to join with you, that way you can spend more time together doing something different, or you can even meet new friends! It doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends with the girls, but making new friends is always so much fun!
Good luck!
Sincerely,
Abby
Dear Abby,
ReplyDeleteI am in sixth grade and I am having a tough time with BOYS. There is this one boy in my gym class who is cute and I think I might have a crush on him. But I’ve never had a boyfriend before so I’m not sure what I'm supposed to do. Sometimes I pretend to stay after class but I’m really just waiting for him. I’ve also been wearing make-up and fixing my hair so he would like it. I always get really nervous around him! He always sits with me at lunch and picks me for his teams in gym, but he doesn’t walk with me to class and he never texts me. Do you think he likes me too? I really want to be his girlfriend. I can’t talk to my friends about it because I don’t want them to know! What should I do?
Sincerely,
Too Shy To Ask.
Dear Too Shy To Ask,
DeleteLiking a boy is so exciting, yet can be very stressful, so I completely understand where you are coming from. The best advice I can give you is to work on being really good friends with this boy first. Take some time to get to know more about him; see if he gets along with your friends and if you two like some of the same things. It’s really great that he sits with you at lunch, and he very well could like you, I would just advise not to rush. Being someone’s girlfriend can bring a lot of changes into your life, so I would take your time to learn a lot about him and about your feelings to make sure you are comfortable if you decide to tell him you like him or if he tells you he likes you. Also, if he rather just be friends, remember that you are still awesome! Regardless of whatever plays out, talk to someone you trust about liking this boy, whether it be one of your friends or an adult. Writing in a journal about what you’re feeling from day-to-day could help too. I hope this helps and good luck!
Sincerely,
Abby
Dear Abby,
ReplyDeleteI am starting seventh grade this fall at a new school where I won’t know anyone and won’t have any friends. I used to love school, but now when I think about it, I just get this big knot in my stomach. I am worried that no one will talk to me, or worse, that someone will find a reason to pick on me. What if I don’t wear the right clothes, or someone thinks I talk funny? I don’t want to have to eat lunch alone in the bathroom, but I am very shy and have never had to make new friends like this before. I’m not even sure where I would start. What should I do?
Sincerely,
The Shy New Girl
Dear Shy New Girl,
DeleteI know starting anywhere new can be difficult. My suggestion for you would be to try and start talking to people as soon as possible. This could be the kid in your class, or someone who seems very friendly, or even just your locker neighbor! Starting off small can make big situations seem easier and less anxious. But also remember that making friends sometimes takes longer, but I promise that if you remain friendly, people will eventually want to get to know you. Also, Please keep in mind that everyone has been or will be the new person in some situation, whether it’s school, activities or a job everyone has to do it. So please don’t think you’re alone in this.
Sincerely,
Abby
DEAR ABBY: I am a sixth grade student in middle school. I will be attending my first middle school dance in two weeks. I am excited, and I am also extremely nervous. I have heard many things about the dance that scare me, but I have never been to one before. I barely know what to wear. I talked to my eighth grade sister and her friends, and they are not going. They told me how awful the dances were. Apparently they are not fun, tremendously boring, and no one will want to dance with me. I am debating if I should even go, and some of my friends already said they will not be going. I question if I will even have fun. I am asking you for help. What should I do? What should I tell my sister and my friends if I end up going? Most importantly what should I wear?—SCARED SIXTH GRADER
ReplyDeleteDear Scared Sixth Grader,
DeleteIt sounds like you are in a tough situation, decisions like this can be hard to make. I can’t tell you if you will have fun or not at the dance, but what I can say is that if you don’t go you will never know if you will have fun at dances. With some of your friends going, it sounds like it could be a great time.
So the important question, what to wear. Wear something that you are comfortable in, if you like dresses, then wear a dress. If you prefer to wear jeans and a t-shirt, go for it. The reality is that what you wear (as long as it meets the dress code of your school) is not going to have as much of an impact on your fun as who you go with. If you decide to go, talk with your friends who are going to the dance and discuss what to wear together. If you all choose to attend to the dance together, and dress similar, you will have no fear that you are over or under dressed for the event.
-- Abby, a bad dancer who still loves dances.
Dear Abby,
ReplyDeleteI am at the tail-end of seventh grade and very excited to be moving on to the eighth grade. It will be really fun to be one of the older students in the school and be able to start thinking about high school with the rest of my friends. However, as we get closer to the summer, my friends have begun to talk to some of the current eighth graders and we have gotten invited to attend some parties that will be taking place this summer. My friends all seem super excited about the parties, but I can’t help but feel scared about going to them. They have all been talking about how some of the older kids have managed to get beer for the party from their older siblings and how they think there might be marijuana as well. I don’t feel comfortable going to something like that, but I’m scared that if I don’t, my friends will drop me right before our final year of middle school! Sometimes I feel like they’re trying to grow up too fast. How do I tell my friends I don’t wanna go without losing them? Please help me!
Sincerely,
Not Quite Ready to Party
Dear Not Quite Ready to Party,
DeleteI want to begin by saying how proud I am of you for not wanting to be a part of those bad activities. I understand how hard of a desicion this must be for you because you don't want to lose your friends, but you must do what you feel right and it seems that you really do not feel comfortable going to that party.
My advice is to tell your friends up front that you do not agree with what is going to be happening at the party and that you rather not attend, but that you care about them very much and do not want to lose their friendship.
Perhaps at a different time during the summer you can invite your closes friends over to your house for a sleep over or to the mall. Something you're more comfortable doing so that your friendship does not die down over the summer and that way your friends will see that you do still care about them.
Also please talk to your parents or any adult you feel comfortable talking to about what's going to happen at this party. It does not seem safe for any of the kids attending and an adult should know in order to keep everyone safe.
Sincerely,
Abby
Dear Abby,
ReplyDeleteI am writing to you today because I need some advice with an issue I am having with my best friend Melissa.
So on Sunday it was Melissa’s 14th birthday and she and her family were going out for dinner to celebrate. Afterwards they were to come home and sing happy birthday to her along with some of her other friends and cut the cake.
That Sunday Melissa texted me to remind me about her birthday dinner but I told her I was not going to be able to go. I lied and said that it was because I was extremely tired from running errands with my mother all day, but the truth was that I did not have anything nice to wear and so I did not want to go and look a hot mess in front of her family and other friends.
Melissa then got really upset with me and said that the next day at school she was not going to sit with me at lunch or talk to me ever again because I’m suppose to be her best friend and I can’t even make it to her birthday dinner. She also said how she will always remember how rude I was and never forget how I hurt her feelings. It’s been a week now and Melissa has kept her promise about not talking to me.
So my questions is, I really miss my friend, what can I do to makeup and be besties again?
Hope you can help,
The Girl Who Misses Her Friend
Dear The Girl Who Misses Her Friend,
DeleteFirst of all, let me just say, it is never easy to deal with a friend being upset with you! First off, I should definitely start off by saying that best friends have this weird ability of finding each other again. Disagreements do, unfortunately, happen in life and there will be moments where friends will get upset with one another and that’s okay! The important thing is first knowing where your friend is coming from and working from there.
So, as you said, it started off when you did not go to her birthday party and now she is mad at you for that. To put things in her perspective, it looks like her best friend did not go to her birthday party. The first thing I would do is try to get into contact with her to have a discussion. Never forget the power of the written word! Ask Melissa if she’d be willing to talk about the situation, even if you have to make the plan through text. I do think you would be better off speaking about your actual problem in person, so make sure Melissa is willing to chat in person. From there, all you have to do is tell her that you are sorry that you missed her birthday party and that you understand why she is upset with you. Sometimes, all it takes is a simple affirmation that someone else’s feelings may be valid.
The great thing about friends, is that they can be incredibly understanding when you have the right ones. And due to the fact that Melissa invited you to a party with just her family and best friends, I would say that you and Melissa are amazing friends. If I were you, and I trusted Melissa the way that I think you do, I would let her know how you were feeling about your outfit choices. Honesty always is the best policy. I believe that your friendship with Melissa could be fixed with a simple talk and reaffirmation of just how strong your friendship is. Most of all, you have to believe that everything will work out.
Sincerely,
Abby
This is for Sarah:
ReplyDeleteI am writing to you in need of some advice. I am an eighth grader in the middle of my school year and have just been told by my parents that I will not be going to the same high school as all my friends. My sister had a bad experience and my parents don’t want me to go through the same problems. However, I’m not like her at all and don’t think I’ll have the same issues. She’s a quiet introverted kid and I am the polar opposite of that. My parents aren’t listening to me at all!! I’m also worried that I’ll lose all my friends and have difficulties making new ones. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Aren’t I old enough to make my own decisions yet?
Dear Aren’t I Old Enough to Make My Own Decisions Yet,
DeleteI’m sorry you feel that your voice isn’t being heard. This sounds like a difficult situation, where a lot of decisions are being made. It’s understandable that you are worried about losing old friends and making new ones. Have you expressed these fears to your parents? Sometimes it’s hard to share our worries when we feel like people aren’t really listening, but it sounds like your parents care about your well-being, so I’m sure that they are.
You’ve written that a lot of this has to do with your sister’s experiences in high school, and I’m sorry that’s the case. I totally get you and your sister being opposites, I’ve experienced the same thing. However, it sounds like your parents’ motivation is coming from a place of love: a want to protect you. If your parents’ decision really can’t be changed, I hope I can ease some of your worries by saying that not being introverted and quiet would help you make plenty of friends in a new school.
Finally, when it comes to losing old friends, it’s my experience that as long as you’ve found the right kind of people, you can stay close to friends even if you don’t go to the same school. Maybe you could join an activity outside of school together, or plan one weekend a month to spend together. I’m sure your parents would be more than happy to help you organize this! You can keep up with each other’s day to day lives on Snapchat and Instagram and then you’ll have tons of stories to share when you see each other.
I hope this advice helps!
Abby
Dear Abby,
ReplyDeleteWhy do my parents hate me? I try hard at school to get good grades, I know I’m not the smartest and I do goof off sometimes, but if I get anything less than a B I get yelled at. My Dad says that B is for bum, and I shouldn’t be getting anything less than A’s. He also makes me mow the lawn every week. This isn’t so bad itself, except that my sister has no chores to do because she is a girl, and there is a wasp nest in the backyard that keeps stinging me. The last time I mowed the lawn I got stung 5 times in my leg and came limping into the house to take a break. He yelled at me to go finish mowing while him and my sister sat there watching TV. No matter what I do it’s just not good enough, and everything is blamed on me. The other day our computer broke and my Dad tried to fix it. He sat me down next to him so he could yell at me for breaking the computer, my brother came home saw we were working on the computer and said he broke it last night. My dad ignored him and kept telling me it was my fault. What did I do wrong, why do they hate me so much?
You probably won’t answer, but I hope you do, I need help
-- The Unwanted Son
Dear Unwanted Son,
DeleteOf course I will answer your question! There is always someone to talk to that will listen, never forget that! I see how you would think that your parents hate you, specifically your father. You have not mentioned you mother at all. Have you tried talking to her? Maybe she can talk to your father about how you feel. It can be tough when you feel like you get blamed for everything, and you cannot do anything right. Your father seems to take a lot of his anger out on you. However, I think you should focus on communicating with him. Have you tried talking to him yourself? At first this idea might seem overwhelming and intimidating, but I think this would be a great start. Let him know what has been going on, and how you have felt. You might also find it helpful to spend time with him, just like your sister has. It could be as simple as finding a common TV show, or even throwing a ball around in the backyard. Try to find a common hobby to do together. Becoming comfortable, and growing a relationship can help you both understand and relate to each other. Be patient, and trust that your father just wants the best for you.
--Abby